Furry Movie
[Really stupid, but something you might enjoy. It's based around real people and furries, including me. Have fun.]

[ Written with a close fur friend while Rei was in 11th grade, this script was intended to be recreated into a school project film. Lack of time, money, and support, this is only as much as it became. Most of the people in the script represent some of my friends in my junior year of High School, most furries and friends of furries. ]

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The city of Opal Rawhide is a small community of animals. The Great and powerful Tsune Shikoi Murasame is an evil fox who wants to take over the world. His enemy is Rei, who is a rottweiler poodle mutt, and is very shady and strict. Murasame begins his plan to destroy the city, but Rei finds out and sends her agents to stop Murasame. The only problem is, both sides lack the half of the information needed to proceed their plots. The other half of the information is hidden away in the brains of their enemy's plushies: Wolfie and Puppy. To stop each other, the opposing sides must steal the plushies from the other, and the one with both will have all the information of the world.

INT- CAFE- DAY

FAJITA
This must be it.

NT is trying to start the truck.

NT
Only he can start this blasted truck!

FAJITA
Hmm… we have to get the combination girl.

Inside the cafe, Hostage is at the bar drinking a shake and eating pizza. The door suddenly lunges open. Hostage looks at the intruders, curiously. NT and Fajita walk straight up to her.

HOSTAGE
Who are you? Can I help you?

(Outside the cafe)

HOSTAGE
AAAAHHH!!

Back in the café, hostage is tied up to a chair. NT points to the chef.

NT
Get him while you're at it.

Fajita jumps over the counter towards the chef and grabs him.

CHEF
Hey, what are you doing? I call the police!

FAJITA
Shut up.

INT- REI'S OFFICE- DAY

Rei is in office, looking through documents. She suddenly receives a phone call, being informed of Hostage and Chef's disappearances. Angrily, she intercoms Hero.

REI
(On Intercom) HERO!

In other room, Hero [sitting back in chair, hands behind his head, feet on the table] falls off of chair and hits ground. He halfway comes up and presses button.

HERO
What?!

REI
Come to my office - NOW!

HERO
(Scratching head) What now?

ECUADORIAN MOLE ( EM )
Maybe she wants more coffee... hee hee hee.

Hero slowly opens Chief's office door and pretends to sneak into Chief's office. Chief sits there, hands folded together under chin, quietly watching him. Hero quickly [and stupidly, almost falling over] sits in a nearby chair. EM stands at the doorway, listening.

HERO
(Trying to act serious) Yeah boss.

REI
Hero, I'm sending both you and Ecuadorian Mole on another case. A young girl and the chef of the Omnivore's Hut have been abducted this afternoon at the restaurant.

HERO
Don't tell me it's another evil guy with a long name this time... something like The Great and Powerful Tsune Shikoi Murasame, and he's kidnapped some innocent town citizens for no apparent reason. Again.

REI
Okay, I won't tell you that, but you may be right.

HERO
And you want me on this case?

REI
Miss Hostage happened to be eating in the cafe at 2:33 p.m. when two weirdoes came into the café and tied her up in rope. After she was bound up, the two caught the Chef, and now their location is unknown.

HERO
(Pondering) I guess I'm up for it. EM, you with me?

EM
I have no choice.

INT- CAFE- DAY

Hero and EM are both talking, joking about the Chief. The waitress comes by and takes their order (Carnivorous meals). In the background, Red silently walks in. She sits in a nearby table and lowers her glasses, listening to Hero and EM. Hero and EM talk a little more about their new case and who could possibly be involved and then joke more about Chief. (They don't know Red yet.)

INT- MURASAME'S SECRET HIDEOUT- DAY

FAJITA
Hey dude, I got her.

MURASAME
Hmm. She's a feisty one, isn't she?

Hostage growls at [the shadowyish figure of] Murasame and Fajita, demanding to be released through the duct tape around her mouth. Murasame, quickly [and painfully] pulls the tape off of her face.

HOSTAGE
OW!

Murasame laughs.

HOSTAGE
What do you want with me?! Is this about Rei?

Fajita laughs in the background [arms crossed]. Murasame explains that he's trying to take over the city, and that she will be needed to unlock codes. Hostage listens to his evil plan [in shock]. She gasps at the end of the scene.

INT- HALLWAYS- NIGHT

O8332 is mopping the hallways, unaware of danger. Red is hiding around the corner, waiting for 08332 to turn his back towards her. 08332 soon receives a radio call.

RADIO
08332, are you in?

O8332
Yeah, I'm here. Whaddya need?

RADIO
Did you leave the front double doors open? Someone left them open.

O8332
Uh no… I remember locking them.

RADIO
Okay then. I'll check again. Thanks.

O8332 looks around, carefully, wondering if anybody could have gotten in.

RED
(Sighs) Here goes nothing.

O8332 is turned around and continues his mopping. Red suddenly lunges out at him with a knife. O8332 screams.

*INTERVAL*
How to play a Ukulele Lesson 1:

FATHER
No, Billy. Here, let me show you.

Father takes Ukulele and strums. He stops, closes his eyes, and hums the tune.

SON
Wow, Dad! That's amazing! Can I try again?

FATHER
(Chuckles) Sure, Son. Give it a try.

O8332 is on the ground, dead. Red looks around, hoping that nobody will come around. She hears footsteps down the hall. Red flees into one of the dark offices nearby and peers around the corner. Chief comes walking towards the massive heap on the ground. She stops right by the lifeless body of 08332. (She's half-blind, so she doesn't really notice he's dead.)

REI
Sleeping on the job, eh? And to think you were one of my hardest working employees. I'm cutting your salary, 08332.

Chief walks over 08332 and continues her way down the hall. After she proceeds down the hall, Red runs down in the direction Chief just came from. She uses a card to get through Chief's locked door and enters. She takes the Plush Puppy from Chief's shelf and leaves as soon as possible.

EXT- PARK- DAY

NT and Fajita are walking in the park talking.

NT
So we still need to get that stupid dog thing from Rei.

FAJITA
I don't understand why, it's just a stupid dog.

NT
Murasame said if we don't get it, we'll be locked in the chamber.

NT has horrible flashbacks of his previous visit to the chamber.

NT
(Chained to a chair) AAH! My eyes! My brain! It's slipping away!

NT sighs.

FAJITA
So what? That's a stupid name. (VO: Almost as stupid as his name)

NT
Hey look!

In the background Hero and EM are inspecting a shed for possible clues. They are looking at a sheet of paper taped to the door with Murasame's symbol on it.

HERO
Hmmm, what a strange symbol.

EM
Maybe we should figure it out.

HERO
EM, how about you go and look in this shed to see if you can find any clues.

EM
Why me? I'm scared of the dark. What if someone attacks me?

Hero laughs lightly.

HERO
That's why I'm not going in.

EM
But what if something bad happens to me? Like I get sprayed with stupid spray or something?

HERO
I've got a plan B if all goes wrong.

EM
What's that?

Hero smiles. EM curiously looks into the shed.

HERO
Stupid spray doesn't work on brainless people. So… after you.

EM
Why, thank you.

EM begins to walk in, but stops.

EM
HEY!

Hero laughs.

FAJITA
Those two look like good guys.

NT
They are good guys. Those two are working with Rei. They are the enemy. They're our bad guys.

FAJITA
But I thought we were the bad guys.

NT
We're the bad guys! They're the good guys, which makes them our bad guys!

FAJITA
Oh. (Scratching head) Yeah whatever. You have some issues, man.

Hero is looking at EM, still trying to convince him to look in the shed. EM looks in the shed finally. Fajita sneaks behind Hero and grabs him in a headlock at knife-point.

FAJITA
If you move, I'll kill you. If you don't move, I'll kill you anyway.

HERO
(Choking) EM! EM! Help me!

EM
(Still looking in the shed.) It's not so dark once you get used to it.

HERO
EM!

EM
Hey! Look what I found! Stupid spray! (Just noticing Fajita) Aaaahh!

EM sprays the stupid spray in their direction. Fajita fall onto the ground.

FAJITA
My brain! It's leaking out of my head! Make it stop!

Hero kicks Fajita. NT (who is still behind the tree) flees.

HERO
Hmm, those guys must be of this evil organization.

INT- MAYOR'S OFFICE- DAY

Mayor is busy answering numerous phone calls.

MAYOR
Hello? Missing person? I don't know, report it to the Police department! Who are the police? The Pirate lady! Hello? Bad food? Are you out of your mind? That's not my problem! Hello? Changing the name? What do you think I am, Mayor? Hello? Disappearance? Of course she's missing, she's been gone for the longest. Hello? The janitor? AAH! I can't take this anymore! Assistant, get the chief of headquarters immediately! Let's settle this once and for all!

ASSISTANT
Yes Ma'am. I'll contact her right now.

As assistant leaves the room, Mayor places her hands on her face, distressed. The phone calls continue to come in.

EXT- PARKING LOT- DAY

HERO
You think Rei will actually buy the story?

EM
Beats me. It's not me who's getting the beating anyway.

The two enter the building. Rei is right on her way out.

REI
Boys, someone's been through the building sometime between last night and this morning. Puppy has been abducted. Only one sinister mastermind could have done this.

HERO
Who? Do you know who it is?

REI
Ha! Of course not! That's why I want you to figure it out. I'm outta here, Mayor Butter needs me.

HERO
Then if you said only one sinister mastermind… then… who… why don't…

REI
No time to talk. I'm counting on you two to help get her back.

Chief continues her way out of the building. Hero and EM look at each other, baffled.

EM
We'll never understand women, will we?

HERO
Nope. World's greatest mystery to men.

INT- CAFÉ- DAY

MURASAME
After I am well able to get hold of this city's power, I will take it over and cause pain and misfortune to all citizens of this rotten place. But first, an evil mastermind can't work with an empty stomach.

NT
But boss, I thought you…

MURASAME
Shut up. I'm trying to think of what I'm going to eat. Hmm… a large steak would be nice.

In the background, a mother is dragging her child into the café.

CHILD
No! Not the new International House of Decaying Invertebrates! I'll be good! I promise!

Murasame and NT look at each other after hearing the child's distress scream. They then turn to the counter.

MURASAME
They must have changed the name of this place since we kidnapped Chef. Anyway, let's see what's on the menu today.

The two look over the disgusting dishes. They both stop at one spotlessly clean tray.

NT

Hey, why is that one empty?

CASHIER

Oh, that's the cardboard and gravy tray. It's our best seller.

Murasame and NT look at each other in disgust.

NT

You think we should still eat here? It's just not the same without Chef.

MURASAME

That chef won't cook for me unless I get money to buy food. No use in letting him go now, I still have plans for him.

NT
But why do we have to eat here? It's so…

MURASAME
Repulsive?

NT
Uh… if that's how you want to put it.

MURASAME
This place is cheap, and I don't have any money for a real buffet. I used the rest of what I had on gas.

NT
Gas?

MURASAME
For my getaway vehicle of course! The Shadow Fox!

NT
(Lamely) Getaway vehicle.

MURASAME
Most bad guys have some kind of getaway vehicle! I just happen to be one of the lucky ones!

NT
Yeah… and it's a truck…

MURASAME
Hey! Someday, I'll get a better one, once I [yelling out loud] take over the city and become the most filthiest rich sinister bad guys ever to roam the earth! I am the Great and Powerful Tsune Shikoi Murasame!

Murasame pauses, still holding his position with hands in the air.

NT
Uh… yeah…

CASHIER
Hey, can you, like, hurry up and get your food? People are waiting in line.

MURASAME
Oh. Sorry.

INT- MAYOR'S OFFICE- DAY

ASSISTANT
Miss Rei should be here anytime soon.

MAYOR
Yes, thank you, thank you.

Assistant and Mayor wait silently.

ASSISTANT
Why aren't the lines ringing anymore?

Mayor puts a pair of scissors into the drawer. Soon, there is a knock on the [already open] door. Mayor and Assistant turn to see Rei entering the office.

REI
Yes, Mayor, you called?

INT- HERO'S OFFICE- DAY

Hero and EM are sitting and eating burgers. Fajita is in the corner, tied up, sleeping. Hero receives a phone call from Rei.

HERO
Hello?

REI
(From Mayor's office) This is your boss. I've just received information that Murasame and an assistant of his are currently dining at the International House of Decaying Invertebrates.

HERO
Who is Musame? At the café?

REI
Yes. I want you to get them because I suspect that they may be involved with the disappearance of Puppy. This is crucial. Either stop the two, or get Wolfie for me. If they've got Puppy, then that means that the enemy is most likely trying to take over the town with her information, and I don't want that to happen.

HERO
What's this about Puppy and Wolfie anyway? I don't understand.

REI
I'll explain later. For now, I want Wolfie or Murasame.

HERO
We have one of their henchmen, Ma'am. His name is Fajita, and he's been sprayed by stupid spray.

REI
(Brief pause.) Don't you ever mention that around me ever again.

HERO
What? Stupid Spr…

REI
Stop!

Hero pauses.

HERO
Yes ma'am. Whatever you say.

Hero hangs up.

HERO
What's so bad about stupid spray anyway?

EM
I heard that Chief suffered a lot of teasing back in her day. Perhaps Stupid Spray is one of those fond memories she would least like to cherish.

HERO
I think you've been sprayed with Stupid Spray.

INT- CAFÉ- DAY

MURASAME
Gross, yet satisfying.

NT
I think I'm going to hurl.

MURASAME
Well, I'm on my way back to the secret hideout. Coming along?

NT
Sure, boss. Like I have any other choice.

MURASAME
(Proceeding towards the door) I think I'll go and take a nap, then I'll go map out ways of torturing poor Miss little Hostage. Or maybe I should look I the Book of Evil for some ideas. Perhaps Wolfie has a few ideas to contribute…

(OUTSIDE)

EM
Hero, don't you think we should have brought some kind of weapon to fight this guy? He does seem pretty… evil.

HERO
Don't be ridiculous, EM. Of course I'm armed. I have two of them.

EM
O…kay. Right…

HERO
You go in first.

EM
Why me?

HERO
Because… Ladies first.

EM
But…

Hero shoves EM into the café. EM and Murasame accidentally bump into each other.

MURASAME
Hey! Watch where you… huh?

Murasame and EM both stare at each other awkwardly. NT and Hero stands aside, baffled. Suddenly, Murasame smiles.

MURASAME
Hey! It's Ecuadorian Mole! I remember you!

EM
Shikoi! Hey buddy! How's it been?

MURASAME
How's life? Still hitting it like back in the day?

EM
No. I decided to be a good guy and stop smoking. My mom wouldn't allow it anyway.

Murasame laughs.

MURASAME
Just the same. You were always a wuss…

EM
(Shamefully laughing slightly) Heh heh, yeah…

HERO
Uh… guys?

MURASAME
So, did you ever get a job? Hey, I got fired, like, ten times! Ha ha ha! Never got a real job since!

EM
Yeah. I work at headquarters right downtown.

MURASAME
(Stops laughing in disgust) Heh, Headquarters? You mean police headquarters?

EM nods. NT taps Murasame on the shoulder.

NT
A little introduction here?

HERO
Yeah, I'm kinda lost myself.

EM
Hero, this is Shikoi Murasame. We used to be smoking buddies back in High School.

MURASAME
Those were the days…

NT
[Baffled] Smoking buddies.

MURASAME
Who are you?

HERO
I was sent on behalf of the Chief to capture you. Nice to meet you, Mister bad guy. I believe I have a bone to pick with you.

MURASAME
Ha ha! Eh, Mister Bad Guy!? Why you… you're…

NT
It's one of Rei's agents!

Hero backs up and positions himself to fight.

HERO
Come and get me, Moosamee…

MURASAME
It's The Great and Power Tsune Shikoi Murasame to you, whoever you are! [Charging towards Hero] AAAAAHHH!

Murasame and Hero begin to fist fight.

*INTERVAL*
How to play a Ukulele Lesson 2:

SON
Aww shucks, Dad. I can't play as good as you. I'm a sorry loser with mental issues.

FATHER
(Chuckles) I still love you the way you are Son.

SON
I love you too, Dad!

After about a minute of violence, the café person stops Murasame and Hero.

CASHIER
Excuse me, sir, but can you please take this fight… outside? Please?

HERO
Sure. No problem.

Hero literally throws Murasame out the door. The two continue to fight. A nearby cop (who is eating Krispy Kreme doughnuts) spots them and stands up, rushing to the scene.

COP
Hey, hey, hey! Break it up you two! What do you think this is, some kind of boxing ring?

The two ignore and continue fighting. Bra gives Murasame one last punch across the face, sending him flying across the street. NT jumps into the back of Murasame's ‘getaway vehicle' and ducks. Murasame immediately runs to his vehicle and drives away. EM runs up to the worn out Hero.

EM
What now, Hero?

HERO
We still have Fajita. He can tell us where their hideout is.

INT- MURASAME'S SECRET HIDEOUT- DAY

NT
You know they have Fajita, right?

MURASAME
Really? Why, what happened to him?

NT
They got into your secret shed and found the stupid spray. Fajita was sprayed and is now in custody at headquarters.

MURASAME
Whatever. Another henchman gone, more food for me. I'll just look in the Book of Evil to see what I should do.

Murasame picks up a large book and flips through it. A ZOID booklet falls out. Curiously, Murasame picks it up.

MURASAME
Yes! A Genosaurer! That's the answer to my problems! NT, I want one of these as soon as possible!

NT look at the booklet, then nods. He walks away. Murasame puts the Book of Evil down onto his desk, then ponders. He get up and walks out of the room to get a snack from the fridge.

(OUTSIDE)

EM and Hero are walking by. Wolfie is sitting in the window.

EM
Hey look! A plushie! Maybe we should get it for the chief since she lost hers and all.

HERO
That's a good idea.

EM pulls the plushie out of the window.

HERO
We'll just put this older looking one in its place. I'm sure chief will be so happy. Case solved.

EM replaces the wolf with a fake one. They walk off. Murasame returns with a glass of water and sits. He notices Wolfie is strangely facing him.

MURASAME
(Japanese) Wolfie, I need your help. You see… Rei has found out that I've got another plot. What should I do?

Wolfie remains silent. Murasame looks at Wolfie's tag, which is labeled "LUPY."

MURASAME
What? You're not Wolfie! Blasted!

Murasame throws Lupy out of the window. He takes a drink.

INT- REI'S OFFICE- NIGHT

REI
So you're saying you found Murasame's secret facility?

HERO
Yeah. Fajita led us there, although he still had that spray in his system.

REI
Amazing. For once, you impress me.

Rei examines Wolfie.

REI
Wolfie, I believe you have a little explaining to do…

Wolfie remains silent.

REI
What?! Not talking, eh? Well we'll just beat the information outta you then!

EM
Boss, the Plushie probably doesn't understand you!

REI
(Directed towards EM) And what do you know about plushies?!

EM
Perhaps it understands Stupid.

Rei looks at EM, then at Wolfie.

REI
You better be right about this.

HERO
Boss, I don't mean to offend you in any way, but what's the deal with the plushies and Stupid Spray?

Rei looks at Hero in a fixed stare. Hero shrugs.

REI
I refuse to answer that.

HERO
Aww, come on! We got the plushie for you!

REI
In order to have all the information of the world, you must have…

(Murasame's Office)

MURASAME
… both plushies to complete the link. The two plushies divide all of the information of the world in two, and without Wolfie, I am… nothing!

NT stares.

NT
So, you want me to get it back?

MURASAME
What if Rei gets it? She already has Fajita, and probably used him to get to my Base! How could she do it!?

Murasame slams his head on the wall. Suddenly, someone (a girl) clears her throat. NT and Murasame stop and look in the doorway, where Red is standing, leaning against the door frames.

RED
Perhaps I can be of assistance.

MURASAME
Who are you? And what do you want?

RED
We can make a little proposition.

NT
(Suspiciously) Boss, just say no.

MURASAME
What kind of proposition? Does it involve money?

RED
(Examining nails) Well, if you'd wish for it to. But, what I really want is to join your team against Rei.

MURASAME
What do you mean? What do I benefit?

Red walks up to Murasame in a slow, feminine fashion. She stops right in front of him, pawss on her hips.

RED
If I join, you will receive this…

Red pulls Puppy out in front of her. Murasame grabs onto it, laughing insanely while squeezing the Plushie. NT looks at Red.

NT
What is this really about?

RED
Revenge.

NT
How do we know you're worthy of being trusted?

RED
I brought you Puppy, didn't I?

NT
And what if it's not the real thing?

RED
Oh, it's real alright. Trust me.

MURASAME
Who are you?

RED
My name is Red. I believe we've been acquainted at least once before in high school.

NT
Why do you seek revenge, and on whom?

RED
Rei, of course.

MURASAME
(Pauses, suspiciously) What's the story?

RED
I remember it like yesterday. I thought Rei was just a normal innocent little girl. (Black and white flashback) (VO) I always admired her, because I thought she was really cool. One day… just one day while I was unsuspecting an ambush, she struck me…

Murasame and NT gasp.

RED
… with a spit-ball!

MURASAME
(Whines) That's just awful!

NT
A spit-ball? Look woman, you're just going to…

MURASAME
We must avenge this!

RED
(Still having flashbacks) I was humiliated for the rest of high school. The embarrassment! The laughter! The anger that began to swell deep inside of me! How could Rei do such a thing!? I despised her ever since!

NT
(Sighs shaking head pitifully) This is stupid.

MURASAME
Yes, Rei is evil! We should… uh…

RED
Destroy her?

MURASAME
Yes! Destroy her!

NT
This is really ridiculous.

RED
The reason why I knew of you, Great and Powerful Tsune Shikoi Murasame, is because I remember the time you and Rei fought in high school. The Stupid Spray was a spectacular performance.

MURASAME
So… you saw it?

RED
Indeed I have.

MURASAME
That does it. You're one of us, Miss Red! Can we count on you to get Wolfie back?

RED
I'm under your command, sire. It'll be a piece of cake. Rei won't suspect a thing about me.

INT- REI'S HOUSE- NIGHT

Rei's at home and she's in the kitchen. Wolfie is on a nearby table, saying scary things in Japanese that Rei doesn't understand very well.

WOLFIE
(In Japanese) I will eat your children.

REI
(In shock) Who said that?

Rei looks around, then she looks at Wolfie strangely. She then continues her work in the kitchen.

WOLFIE
(In Japanese) And your goldfish too.

Rei looks straight at Wolfie this time. She has the urge to throw him out the window, but doesn't want to risk the enemy getting it. Instead she puts it in a box. She continues her work, then mysteriously, the box lights on fire. The box is gone and Wolfie is just sitting there. Rei becomes frightened.

REI
What do you want?

WOLFIE
Hardy, har, har, har!

REI
This is weird. I'm going to bed.

Rei walks to her bedroom. She can still hear faint laughter of Wolfie. She hides in her blanket.

EXT- ALLEY- NIGHT

RED
Shut up. People are sleeping.

HOSTAGE
Mppphh… (Her mouth is taped.)

Red looks around the dark corner, then hides behind a wall. She peeks around the corner again, then runs, pulling a rope with Hostage tied to the other end of it. She pulls Hostage to the ground and grabs her around the neck.

RED
Okay, what's the combo?

HOSTAGE
Mpppphhh mpphhh mmmpppphh!

RED
Speak up!

Hostage tries to point to the tape on her mouth. Red pulls the tape off [painfully].

HOSTAGE
Ow!

Red covers Hostage's mouth.

RED
Shut up, people are trying to sleep.

HOSTAGE
Why should I help a dirty dog like you anyway?!

RED
First of all, you have no other option. Second of all, I'm not a dirty dog, I'm a vixen who's just doing her job.

HOSTAGE
How come you guys are so cruel?

RED
Ha ha ha! Stupid question! Now give me the combo!

HOSTAGE
You can't use the combination unless you use the key!

RED
Where's the key then?

HOSTAGE
I… uh…

RED
(Shaking Hostage by the arm and talking through clenched teeth) I want it now!

Hostage pulls a card from her pocket onto the ground. Red picks it up and swipes it. She pushes the door open and drags Hostage in with her.

RED
The combo!

HOSTAGE
(Sighs) 8, 5, 7, 7, 4, 1.

Red slowly finger types the numbers in. She proceeds down the hall dragging Hostage by a string. Red walks into the vault room.

RED
I'm after the Control Device. I need to know which cell it's in and its combination.

HOSTAGE
(Helplessly) Cell 159, Combination 3, 44, 12, and 28.

INT- HEADQUARTERS- DAY

Hero and EM are playing cards. Rei walk in with the box. She throws it at Hero.

REI
I want Puppy back, NOW!

HERO
What, you don't like the little wolf thing?

REI
It's creepy. It gives me the heeby jeebies.

EM and HERO
The what?

REI
Nevermind. Just find her!

EM
So where are we going to find your puppy anyway?

REI
I think he has it.

HERO
Who has it?

EM
Who has what?

REI
What has who? His name is what?

HERO
No! Him!

EM
Why can't it be a her?

REI
Because it's him.

HERO
Just forget it. Where is he… or she… or whatever it is?!

REI
Why don't we question that taco person?

INT- HERO'S OFFICE- DAY

Hero and Rei enter the room. Fajita is standing up with a knife in his hand. (He just escaped from the ropes, and the janitor is dead on the floor.)

HERO
I guess the Stupid Spray wore off.

Rei looks at him weird.

REI
What did I say?! Don't ever mention… (With Hero) Stupid Spray ever again!

HERO
(Repeating along with Rei) Stupid Spray ever again. Yeah I got it.

FAJITA
You'll never catch me alive! (Wicked insane laughter)

HERO
Alive?

REI
(Smacking Hero on the back of the head) Get him, you imbecile!

Hero jumps out at Fajita, but Fajita jumps onto the table. He leaps towards the door, but Rei slams the door shut. Fajita crashes onto the door. Rei punches Fajita across the face.

*INTERVAL*
Breaking News: Janitor Killed

REPORTER
It's been reported that 08332, a janitor has recently been murdered. Investigators say that he has been stabbed to death, but other cases suggest that he has been burned, shot, blown up, suffocated, drowned, and knocked out. If you happen to witness one of these murders… please… report… to…

Screen fizzes out. Murasame appears on the screen.

MURASAME
It was I! I did it! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha (cough) ha ha ha! Ha ha ha (cough, cough) ha ha ha Ha!

Screen fizzes out.

Fajita is knocked out. Rei handcuffs him.

REI
Hero. I want you and EM to return to Murasame's Hideout, and retrieve my Puppy now .

Hero nods, then exits the room.

Fajita wakes up in a dimly lit room. He is tied to a chair. There, Rei is pacing back and forth.

REI
I have something special for you, Chihuahua boy.

FAJITA
Wha.. what is it?

Rei stops in front of him.

REI
I'm going to show you a full ten hour marathon of HAMTARO until your eyes bleed and your brains seep out of your ears!

FAJITA
Well, it's better than Stupid Spray.

REI
Ah! Don't.. you… That's it!

Rei pulls out the remote. Hamtaro theme song plays.

FAJITA
NOOOOOOOO! Okay! What do you want from me? Anything but Hamtaro and Stupid Spray!

REI
I just need you to answer a few simple questions for me.

Fajita looks around nervously, pondering. Rei is waiting, holding the remote where Fajita can see it.

FAJITA
Okay! I'll answer your stupid questions!

REI
That's more like it. Now, where is Murasame's Secret Hideout?

FAJITA
It's right next door!

Rei is stunned.

REI
Really?

FAJITA
Yes, it is.

REI
Okay, next question…

INT- MURASAME'S HIDEOUT- DAY

Hero and EM walk up to Murasame's door. It is locked. Instead they enter through an open window. They make their ways through the hallways. Murasame and NT happen to be in one of the hallways. The two good guys stop.

MURASAME
What are you guys doing here?

HERO
Give Puppy back or else!

MURASAME
Or else what?

EM pulls out Wolfie with a can of stupid spray to his head.

MURASAME
NO! What do you think you're doing?!

HERO
Give back Rei's Puppy or else!

Murasame begins to laugh endlessly again, coughing.

MURASAME
NT, Red, get them now!

NT walks up to the good guys. The good guys run the other way, but Red jumps out and blocks them. The bad guys close in on Hero and EM.

NT
Red!

Red runs down the hallway and disappears. NT grabs Wolfie, which is still being grasped by EM. Hero kicks NT, then EM sprays NT with Stupid Spray. The good guys run down the halls.

MURASAME
You fools! Get them! I demand it!

Hero and EM flees, searching for the exit. They are suddenly tripped by Red, who is holding a small Control Device. She presses the button. EM and Hero are paralyzed. EM falls to the ground. Red grabs the fallen Wolfie.

RED
I'll take that, thank you.

Red runs down the hallway. Hero and EM are no longer paralyzed. They sit up.

HERO
We've just been robbed.

The two can hear footsteps down the hallway.

HERO
Let's get out of here!

The two run out of the building. Murasame is out there waiting.

MURASAME
Ha! You fools! Now you shall see the power that I command! Come… Genosaurer!

There is an earthquake-like rumbling in the ground while the garage door opens. The little Genosaurer comes waddling out. Everyone is stunned. NT, who is recovering from the Stupid Spray, taps Murasame on the shoulder.

NT
Uhhh… About the Genosaurer you asked me to make, well you know about your shrink ray of Doom? Well, the janitor was cleaning it and it accidentally went off and shrank the Genosaurer.

MURASAME
Janitor? We don't have a janitor… do we?

O8332 comes in sweeping the floor.

MURASAME
Oh well. Genosaurer! Charged Particle Beam!

(Cut Scene from ZOIDS) The Genosaurer powers up. O8332 walks in front of it, completely oblivious to the danger, then BOOM!

*INTERVAL*
How to steal a Ukulele Lesson 3:

Son is playing the ukulele. Red runs up to him and grabs the ukulele, smacks him with it, then runs away.

O8332 is gone, but the Genosaurer is still waddling around. 08332 is a pile of ashes.

MURASAME
Oh! That was so cool! Do it again! Do it again! Destroy Rei's agents this time!

Suddenly, Rei jumps out of nowhere and strikes Murasame to the ground. The two begin to fight while Hero and EM run away from the Genosaurer.

(SCOOBY DOO SCENE!) *Scooby Doo (oldies love music) chase scene*

Hero and EM run in a hallway full of doors. They enter one door, Genosaurer follows. They exit out another, Genosaurer follows. Like the Scooby Doo shows go, everyone comes out of random doors. This goes on for thirty seconds, then they all bump into each other. Hero and EM are scared, then run. Genosaurer follows.

Rei and Murasame are still fighting. Rei stands up and grabs a large black stick. Murasame pulls out his weapon. They begin to fight again.

HERO
I think we lost the Genosaurer.

EM
Look! It's that fox girl! I have a hunch that she was responsible for Puppy's disappearance!

EM and Hero look into the room, where Red is secretly packing Wolfie and Puppy into a bag. She turns, accidentally noticing Hero and EM. The Genosaurer comes waddling down the hall.

HERO
I'll take the Genosaurer! You get the vixen!

EM
Got it!

Hero runs down the hallway, with the Genosaurer trailing behind. Red flees. EM chases after her.

RED
You can't catch me! Not you, not Murasame, not Rei! World domination is MINE, and you fools took me for a dumb fox!

EM
We'll just see about that!

Red runs down the hall into a room, then a smaller room. EM runs in. Red runs straight out. EM follows. Red jumps over tables, pushing them in the way, then runs out of the other room. EM is trapped, then leaps onto the tables to get out. Hero and EM bump into each other, then run.

EM
Did you see where Red went?

HERO
No, but I'm getting out of here!

The two jump out of a nearby window. Red is waiting behind a corner for EM. She is holding her Control Device. The Genosaurer comes and faces her. Red accidentally presses the paralyze button.

RED
Oh… no…

The Charged Particle Beam is then released straight at her.

MURASAME
Leave… me… alone! What do you want from me?!

REI
You should know what I want! I want my Puppy back!

MURASAME
You're not getting it from me, ya foo!

The crispy Red comes limping out towards NT and hands him the bag with Puppy and Wolfie in it.

RED
I quit.

Red walks away. NT looks at Murasame.

NT
Boss! Catch!

NT throws the bag at Murasame. Murasame laughs at Rei.

MURASAME
HA!

REI
I will get my baby back if it the last thing I ever do!

Rei swings her stick and smacks Murasame across the head. The bag goes flying through the air. Wolfie and Puppy both fall out. They both land right next to the drainage hole. Rei and Murasame look at each other, then run out to get their Plushies before the others do. They both land on their stomachs, reaching for the plushies. Rei grabs Puppy, but Murasame's fingertips accidentally push Wolfie into the drain. Murasame screams, then angrily stands up.

MURASAME
How dare you make me do a thing like that! You shall pay!

Murasame runs towards Rei, but is blocked by her black stick. EM throws her the Stupid Spray.

REI
This is for that fight we had back in High School. This is pay-back for spraying me!

Rei sprays Murasame, but it has no effect.

MURASAME
Don't you know?! I, the Great and Powerful Tsune Shikoi Murasame, am immune to Stupid Spray because I'm already stupid! Now, you shall suffer… Chocolate is poisonous to dogs!

Murasame pulls out a Hershey bar. Rei grabs it.

REI
Ha, and I happen to be immune to your cocoa bean toxins! Ya foo! We're even!

MURASAME
(Whining) But… but that's not fair!

REI
And I know what's even more unfair!

Rei pulls out a can of Super Stupid Spray . Murasame gasps and backs up. Hero and EM grab him by the arms to keep him steady. Rei then sprays him. Murasame covers his eyes, then falls to his knees.

MURASAME
I can feel the pulse! It's leaking out of my head! It's leaking!

Rei looks at her two agents, then nods. Hero and EM carry Murasame by the arms and carry him away.

EXT- PARKING LOT- DAY

REI
I really appreciate the effort to get my Puppy back.

HERO
No problem, Miss. Just doing our job.

REI
Thanks. As long as that crazy fox is out of the way, we have nothing to worry about for now.

Rei begins to walk away.

EM
Chief! Wait!

Rei stops, but doesn't turn around.

REI
What?

EM
What should I do with this?

EM is holding out the can of Stupid Spray. Rei turns her head and looks briefly.

REI
Keep it. It's yours. Use it on yourself.

HERO
You never told us the story!

REI
(Sighs) You want the story? I guess it's only fair. I invented Stupid Spray back in High School. Murasame stole the idea from me. Before I could tell anyone else, he patented it and made a fortune off of it. Then one day, we got into a fight over it. I was sprayed by my own weapon. Never again did I want anything to do with it. That's my story.

HERO
That's not fair. Is there any way we can help?

Rei turns around.

REI
Spray yourself.

HERO
What?

REI
I said spray yourself. Make me laugh.

EM hands Hero the can.

EM
You heard the woman.

HERO
But… (sigh.) Fine.

Hero sprays himself in the face. He falls to the ground.

HERO
Aaah! My head! I can feel my brain twitch! Aaaahhh!!!

Rei looks down at the suffering Hero. She laughs, lightly.

REI
I'm off to eat lunch at the Omnivore's Hut. Chef's back. See ya.

Rei then walks away.

The End

FADE OUT